It’s a strange experience putting yourself out there in book form. My book, Asian American Apostate: Losing Religion and Finding Myself at an Evangelical University has been out for a couple of months now, and I’ve gotten some great reviews on Amazon and endorsements from people I greatly respect. Overall, it’s been an incredible experience.
As I wrote the book, I was careful to choose my words and phrasing carefully, lest someone accuse me of slander against APU or against evangelicalism. I had/have dozens of additional stories and observations at the ready, should anyone at APU try to make trouble, including some email proof/receipts, but so far the only negative responses have been…weird.
The first 1-star review on Amazon was a glib claim that my book did not, in fact, convert the person to become agnostic. That was actually not one of the many goals of my book, so I don’t count that as a failure. This week, someone wrote that he didn’t understand how I could become agnostic. He accused me of being tragically misinformed about “the historical critical approach” to the bible. I’m definitely gonna look into that, so I can re-convert to christianity. I don’t know how I missed that. My bad. In fact, this dude, Steve Spencer (reviewing as “Joan Spencer”) is a former pastor who has deconstructed his faith, slightly, who befriended me on facebook. He was eager to chat, saying he loved Chapel Probation and my book. But it became clear immediately, that he intended to reconvert me to christianity. He accused me of “throwing the baby out with the bathwater” because I left the faith after bad experiences. He then told me I was “ignorant” of that blasted “historical critical approach.” In his mind, I would come back if I just understood the bible better. It was clearly important to him that I let him bring me back. And when I basically told him to fuck off, he turned on me, calling me “dumb,” and “idiotic.” Nice guy. It was all weirdly personal for him. Such is the hegemony of White christianity. Anything outside of it simply doesn’t make sense to the point of being hurtful to the fragile White christian.
So yeah, here I was all set for accusations of lying about APU and my experiences in evangelical culture, and all I’ve gotten, so far, are these weirdly personal reactions. To be clear, I do not expect anyone to deconstruct faith and become agnostic after reading my book. I do hope you’ll worship Satan and Cthulhu. Side note: if you read my book backwards, you’ll get an enthusiastic plug for Satan and Cthulhu. You’ve been warned.
This all seems to be a theme for a writer like me, an AAPI cis-het man. Normally invisible to the greater culture, the world is confronted with a book, so instead of taking it at face value, the world reads what it wants to read into it. The Publisher’s Weekly writers expected me to be more docile and respectable and not use “fuck” so many times. The first Amazon naysayer seemed to think I was addressing him directly and wanting him to be convinced to disbelieve. The second dude seems to just have his assumptions about me confirmed, namely that I am ignorant and kind of “dumb.” I’ll actually cop to that. From his point of view.
I know, I know, again with all the negativity from Scott. I just find it all so damn amusing. For some christians, people leaving the faith is personal and deeply offensive. And if they encounter someone they deem as below their station in life, they will come for you with the assumption that their feelings and perspective will win the day.
I salute them. With my middle finger.
I really appreciate all of you for the love and support. I should be focusing on that, but I remain highly amused at everything.