And We're Back to Josh Harris
His ex-wife wrote a book, so of course people are talking about him
I’ve written about this before, but I kinda reignited a little exvangelical conflagration on the socials, so let’s try this again. It started with this:
And in my delicate, sensitive way, I pushed back. So here I am, still pushing.
What would you do if you realized your writing, platform, and empire had caused and continues to this day to cause, untold harm to two or three generations of Christians? And when I say, “harm,” I mean life-altering patterns of thought and action resulting in potentially lifelong shame and guilt for simply being a human being with a desire for love, companionship, and sex.
In a blog post from 2019, the year Harris renounced his evil book, I wrote about losing actual sleep, both at the time and even some nights today, over an interaction I had with a friend in Inter-Varsity Christian Fellowship. She pulled me aside and “confessed” that she was “struggling” with her sexuality, namely, she thought she might be gay. At the time I was all of 20 or 21 years old, and I confidently told her to pray and seek God’s healing. But I immediately felt bad. It was a knee-jerk response on my part with me just repeating what a pastor had said, despite the fact that I was already deconstructing my views of sexuality. I can still see her face. The shame and guilt. The confusion. I would never allow myself to say something like that ever again.
I was young, yes, but I would still go back in time and punch that kid in the mouth. Repeatedly, if necessary. Do I have some compassion for my former self? Sure. But I would do anything to be able to go back and NOT hurt my friend with my insipid theology and confidently ignorant words. Compassion for how I was raised and indoctrinated is tempered with absolute horror, shame, and anger at that kid. Well-meaning as he was, he hurt someone, deeply. I never spoke to that friend again, and I still don’t know whatever became of her.
One person.
But what does someone like Joshua Harris do now that he knows he did this to tens of millions of people across several generations? If you’re a White-presenting cis-het man, you turn right around, apologize, and start a new career offering the cure for the ills you helped create. It seems so instinctual for those guys to constantly center themselves. Interestingly, it also seems natural for cis-het White men to defend Harris, even if they disagree with him. It’s easy to have compassion when you weren’t the one completely hammered by Harris’s teaching.
And don’t go telling me he’s half Asian. I didn’t even find out he was part Asian until a few years ago. I never saw him speak/write about it. Maybe he did, but I would argue the world saw him as a White guy. If they knew he was Asian, he wouldn’t have been chosen for the job of being the face of the Purity Culture movement. I won’t budge on that, but that’s the argument in support of him. “He was young.” “He was picked by powerful White people to be the figure head.” “He was used.” Fine. He wouldn’t have been placed in that position if he were writing from the perspective of someone named Josh Yamamoto or Josh Shimozaki or Josh Uyeda. I don’t know his mom’s maiden name, but you know White nationalist American purity culture would not make it the brand name of purity culture. That’s me dropping the mic.
I do blame Joshua Harris and Co. for the harm done to untold millions of people, but I also give at least some of the blame to those people who read that shitty book and thought it made sense. I read it while I was still a Christian (I borrowed it from a student) and couldn’t get past the first chapter. It was awful. Harris and Co. didn’t force anyone to follow purity culture’s toxic, misogynistic, racist way of life. That book just reflected the already toxic, misogynistic, racist, anti-queer mindset of every evangelical Christian. It took a White Nationalist village to make True Love Waits happen, and everyone involved has a share in its rise and all the damage it did. The kids were victims, but even they have to look back and apologize to their former selves at some point.
CW- descriptions of the horrors of purity culture in this paragraph
Women married abusive men because of purity culture. Rape and sexual assaults were covered up because of purity culture. Women were blamed for being assaulted. People got married who should not have. Normal human interactions were criminalized, and violators of purity culture were shamed and punished. Children and adults were taught not to trust their own intuitions and desires, and too many people still struggle with that years after leaving.
Let’s break it down to the arguments in support of him:
“He was so young.”
He was young and offered a lot of money and fame in the evangelical world. But he wasn’t young the whole time. And my point stands that he might have been a victim, but he was pushing the buttons and collecting the money. He can be “compassionate” to his former self AND mad as hell and ashamed for what he did. His brain became fully formed at 26, and yet he continued to peddle that insipid, toxic sludge. I had 18 year-old students at APU who read that book and thought it was a joke. They obliterated the weak theology and oversimplified interpretation of bible verses. Just because you are young does not mean you are incapable of rational thought.
Deconstructing and decolonizing means recognizing the racist, misogynistic, anti-queer things we willingly believed and acted on. It’s not pretty and it’s not easy. But it’s necessary.
“He has apologized.”
Good. Now go away. People are pissed at you. Read the room. The whole room. Not just the White guys and their enablers so anxious to forgive you. If you want to help, elevate the voices of people already doing the work of healing from purity culture. The Japanese people might have forgiven America for the nuclear bombs, but they aren’t paying $275 to listen to Oppenheimer give a lecture on the harms and moral shortcomings of nuclear bombs. And yes, it’s different with Harris because American Christians have an urgent need to center a White man. So do American ex-evangelicals seen today flocking to cool White men. No names this time. I’ve learned my lesson. And I know Harris backed off his workshop/coaching grift, but that’s what we’re dealing with. This is a man trying to remain centered, and he actually thought it was a great idea to lead $275 workshops to heal the wounds he caused. To his credit, he listened to the horrified community that told him it wasn’t a good idea, but his instincts betrayed his identity and his worldview. I’m sure it’s tough to let go of celebrity and easy wealth, but goddamn, man. You can do what you want. It’s a free country, but your name alone is absolutely traumatizing to a lot of people. But if you took your mom’s maiden name…hmm…
“He’s a victim, too!”
Maybe. Like all adherents to evangelicalism and purity culture, no one is forcing anyone to follow misogynistic, racist, anti-LGBTQIA teaching. We were all victims of purity culture if we were ever in it. Fine. But no one forced 20 year-old Harris to write that book, cash the checks, and be elevated to cult (not a metaphor) status. If being elevated to millionaire celebrity status is being a victim, I guess I can see that argument. But to try and make any equivalent to a woman whose rape was covered up by her family because they didn’t want anyone to know she wasn’t a virgin any more or to a woman who chose to stay with an abusive man because she felt responsible for his actions is a non-starter for me. We really need to define our terms here, and Josh Harris as “victim” looks a lot different than the women and children in purity culture as actual victims.
Here's what I WOULD read from Joshua Harris: a short essay on how he came to understand and love his Japanese and Japanese American heritage, recognizing the White supremacy that both influenced his purity culture bullshit and kept him from exploring his identity as a mixed-race person in America. Free idea, Josh. You’re welcome.
It’s understandable why Harris would think he should still be in the spotlight. Look at the dozens of people who have extricated their noses from between the ass cheeks of Trump and now speak out against him. No one asks them to apologize for once supporting that racist, sexist, bigoted, ignorant narcissist. The news (CNN and MSNBC) just puts them on as “experts” on Trump. They were once the worst of humanity and either saw the light or were fired from MAGA world, and now they get to be the “good guys.” I don’t trust them, no matter what they say. They saw everything we were seeing up close, and they fought for Trump and promoted him. That’s all I need to know. Glad they’re out. Wish them well. But fuck off. Even the guy who invented nuclear bombs got a redemption story last year. Now the world feels so much sympathy for him. Oppenheimer, portrayed by a beloved actor, is now a sympathetic character. I suppose it’s only natural for someone like Harris to expect the same. Hey, he didn’t invent a genocidal bomb. He just wrote a shitty book that harmed or ruined millions of lives.
It's not personal when I push back against the redemption narrative for Harris. I mean, it’s personal in that I know what it’s like to remove myself from evangelical Christianity. But I don’t privilege sympathy and compassion for my former self over the guilt and shame I feel for the things I believed, said, and did in the name of Jesus. I am motivated to help others to make amends and because it’s what a good person would do.
Harris wasn’t just an individual in that insidious, toxic system. He was a face of it. I don’t know that there is a way back from that. It almost doesn’t matter whose fault that is. It just is what it is as I see it, and of course this is just my opinion. I’ve said before that people outside of faith don’t need gurus or pastors. Again, no names. That would include not needing Joshua Harris talking about purity culture. Truly.
I am aware that I didn’t even mention the cover up of sexual assault while he was a pastor. It’s a related story, but really not necessary to make my points. But since I finally brought it up, fuck him for that.
But he should write that Japanese American essay. Hardly anyone will read that, but I will.